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Thread: How about a thread devoted to humor?

  1. #211
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    There have been a lot of really great Bizarro comics but this one from 11/01 keeps cracking me up every time I think about it. We've all seen that image a million times in movies and TV shows but the caption kinda reminds me of the Bad Lip Reading videos as it is so ridiculous...




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    Steve A.

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  2. #212
    Old Timer J M Fahey's Avatar
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    Ouch!!!

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    Juan Manuel Fahey

  3. #213
    Old Timer tedmich's Avatar
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    https://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/msg...420095115.html
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    "Used, Good Condition, BLOWN chassis, empty, all original. GREEN STRIPE with Reverb modification, dust covered.
    Comes with blown chassis, reverb tank, fan, all knobs, all metal corner protectors, all 4 rubber feet, "Mesa Boogie" faceplate, equalizer.
    NO tubes, NO speaker, power transformer blown."

    $250!

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  4. #214
    Old Timer J M Fahey's Avatar
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    I suspect that even when he states "blown condition" twice , plus "blown transformer", plus "no speaker", some blownbrain will buy it anyway and then complain "hey!!!!! it doesn't work!!!!"

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    Juan Manuel Fahey

  5. #215
    Lifetime Member Enzo's Avatar
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    One year I ran the arcade at King's Dominion, a large theme park near Richmond, VA. I had over 100 various pinballs and video games. I had one little driving game that was broken waiting on some part. Had a steering wheel and gas pedal, you drove the car image around a track.

    I had a sheet of 8x11 paper taped over the coin slots, it said OUT OF ORDER on it. Even though that warning was taped over the coin slots, and the unplugged game was dark, nothing on the screen, the thing still made $25 a week consistently. They had to untape the sign, and lift it out of the way to insert their money.

    That is 100 people a week, ignored the warning and managed to "buy" anyway.

    Are you the manager?
    Yes.
    That game took my money - it doesn;t work.
    I know that, that is why I taped OUT OF ORDER over the coin slots.

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    Education is what you're left with after you have forgotten what you have learned.

  6. #216
    Old Timer Tom Phillips's Avatar
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    One Man's thoughts...

    I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
    My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing."
    She then said that’s what you did yesterday—to which I replied—I WASN’T DONE , SO I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF FINISHING RIGHT NOW.
    The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

    Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know? Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."

    I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap.

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    Last edited by Tom Phillips; 01-07-2018 at 04:36 PM. Reason: Formatting

  7. #217
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    Red face

    Yes!



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    Steve A.

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  8. #218
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tedmich View Post
    https://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/msg...420095115.html
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    "Used, Good Condition, BLOWN chassis, empty, all original. GREEN STRIPE with Reverb modification, dust covered.
    Comes with blown chassis, reverb tank, fan, all knobs, all metal corner protectors, all 4 rubber feet, "Mesa Boogie" faceplate, equalizer.
    NO tubes, NO speaker, power transformer blown."

    $250!
    So what exactly is a "blown chassis"?!? If the circuit board didn't look trashed I think it might have been a decent deal even missing tubes, speaker an PT... they're going for around $850-900 here in the Bay Area. With Craigslist you can at least see what you are getting. And once you got there the seller might accept $200 or $225...

    Thanks for posting it!

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  9. #219
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    New law makes it legal for atheist doctors and nurses to refuse care…
    by SP Team [The Science Post 01/19/2018]


    JACKSON, MS – A new law in Mississippi has made it legal for doctors and nurses to refuse care to certain patients on religious grounds .

    The law allows medical staff to refuse treatment to members of the LGBQT community on the grounds that it violates their religious beliefs. It would serve to reason this would also pertain to atheist doctors and nurses who could refuse to treat patients who are religious.

    “No, no, no. This isn’t the point of the law at all,” said an angry senator Frank Danforth (R). “The law is supposed to protect doctors and nurses who follow the teachings of God and our Lord Jesus Christ from having to treat patients who practice an unholy lifestyle.”

    Many doctors and nurses in Mississippi are against the law, but have expressed that they will also follow it to the letter and refuse treatment to patients who they feel are bigoted against certain lifestyle choices.

    “Of course not all religious people are against LGBQT’s, just like not all atheists are against religion,” said Dr. Susan Jewer, atheist. “But if medical professionals are allowed to refuse care on religious grounds, I am more than happy to oblige.”
    To date, there have been no reports of atheist doctors or nurses taking advantage of the new law.

    https://archive.is/mGXnF
    .

    Steve A.


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  10. #220
    Old Timer Tom Phillips's Avatar
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    The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

    Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise." "Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced. "Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain,'We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "Thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief.

    The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "Hi, I'm Phil.” The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife, the word is sternum."

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  11. #221
    Lifetime Member Enzo's Avatar
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    I proposed to my girlfriend recently. She accepted and told me now she could work on her "Honey Do" list. I told her, "Sure, and I can work on my "Can't Elope" list.

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    Education is what you're left with after you have forgotten what you have learned.

  12. #222
    Lifetime Member Enzo's Avatar
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    I wrote that one myself, and Readers' Digest didn't want to print it...bastids...

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    Education is what you're left with after you have forgotten what you have learned.

  13. #223
    Old Timer J M Fahey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Enzo View Post
    One year I ran the arcade at King's Dominion, a large theme park near Richmond, VA. I had over 100 various pinballs and video games. I had one little driving game that was broken waiting on some part. Had a steering wheel and gas pedal, you drove the car image around a track.

    I had a sheet of 8x11 paper taped over the coin slots, it said OUT OF ORDER on it. Even though that warning was taped over the coin slots, and the unplugged game was dark, nothing on the screen, the thing still made $25 a week consistently. They had to untape the sign, and lift it out of the way to insert their money.

    That is 100 people a week, ignored the warning and managed to "buy" anyway.

    Are you the manager?
    Yes.
    That game took my money - it doesn;t work.
    I know that, that is why I taped OUT OF ORDER over the coin slots.
    Or maybe it was just *one* guy who tried 100 times to make it work.
    You know, the same guy who burns 20 fuses in a row trying to make his blown amp work.
    And then complains to Radio Shack: "hey!!! *ALL* of those fuses you sold me FAILED !!! "

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    Juan Manuel Fahey

  14. #224
    Old Timer J M Fahey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve A. View Post
    So what exactly is a "blown chassis"?!? If the circuit board didn't look trashed I think it might have been a decent deal even missing tubes, speaker an PT...
    Steve, you are VERY optimistic or hopeful
    Blown chassis repeated twice, plus blown transformer makes me think that the board must look very much like what´s left of:

    otherwise he would be asking $450 or $650, if you *just* had to replace PT and speaker.

    In fact you are buying (it´s clearly stated) a "Mesa Boogie label" and "look Ma!! , it´s the GREEN STRIPE version!!, the one EVERYBODY raves about at My Les Paul Forum!!!!!

    Somebody buying that is strictly buying "bragging rights" , all of his friends will envy him
    I know a couple guys like that, one sold an excellent Acoustic Tube amp, their version of this very same one, to buy a harsh Valvestate something .... but hey!!! , it has the Magic Marshall label on it !!!!! which around here means a lot.

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    Juan Manuel Fahey

  15. #225
    Lifetime Member Enzo's Avatar
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    A friend of mine is a truck driver, and he was recently injured in an accident. He pulled out to avoid a child, fell off the couch, and broke his arm.

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    Education is what you're left with after you have forgotten what you have learned.

  16. #226
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Phillips View Post
    The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers...
    Such a great post that I took the liberty to reformat it and edit it just a little bit...

    The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

    Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a prayer that was answered."

    "Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

    You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

    "Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

    Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

    "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "Thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief.

    The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

    A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "Hi, I'm Phil.” The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife, the word is sternum."
    Steve A.

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  17. #227
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by J M Fahey View Post
    Steve, you are VERY optimistic or hopeful
    Blown chassis repeated twice, plus blown transformer makes me think that the board must look very much like what´s left of:

    otherwise he would be asking $450 or $650, if you *just* had to replace PT and speaker.

    In fact you are buying (it´s clearly stated) a "Mesa Boogie label" and "look Ma!! , it´s the GREEN STRIPE version!!, the one EVERYBODY raves about at My Les Paul Forum!!!!!

    Somebody buying that is strictly buying "bragging rights" , all of his friends will envy him
    I know a couple guys like that, one sold an excellent Acoustic Tube amp, their version of this very same one, to buy a harsh Valvestate something .... but hey!!! , it has the Magic Marshall label on it !!!!! which around here means a lot.
    I will repeat my question "what is a blown chassis?" I googled guitar amp and blown chassis and the 3rd hit was this thread. The person posting the ad obviously did not know what he was talking about.

    A picture of the inside of the chassis might have better explained the mystery. Even if the chassis was completely empty that and the cabinet would be worth maybe $100 to someone building an amp from scratch. The picture did show knobs so I assume that at least part of the circuit board is there.

    Like I said it might have been worth the drive to check it out and make an offer depending on what was found. Other than the Lone Star amps Mesa Boogie's are great but only if you rewire them into something good.

    I had wanted a Maverick since 1998 and when I finally found a head for $600 I jumped on it, only to find that it really sucked. I rewired the normal channel as a Lone Star Special which really rocked and was ready to rewire the one trick pony OD channel to something really nice when health issues intervened... (OK, no laughing! I was going to put in the SLO mod I developed for my Crate V33 head which sounded better than any Soldano I've seen. I just used the good parts of the preamp and left the bullshit out. I just need to find all of my drawings and gut pix I had downloaded 8 or 9 years ago... Good luck!)

    BTW I noticed that George Allesandro is or was selling printed circuit boards he pulled out of various Fender xxx Reverb reissue amps for something like $75... One heck of a good deal considering how much the full amps sell for.

    Steve A.

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  18. #228
    Lifetime Member Enzo's Avatar
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    When I see something like "blown chassis" I assume it is a layman trying to describe it. Chassis means the amp part to the guy, as opposed to teh cab and speaker, and blown is just a term meaning it doesn;t work. I had customers come in and complain their amp had "blown", and it needed a new 12AX7 in the preamp. Just as people outside of electronics call any wiring problem a "short". A wire breaks in their trailer lights, and they say the lights have a short in them. No point in telling them, "No, it is an open."

    I am guilty of this. On a solid state amp, if it blows fuses, I generically call it blown. I don't necessarily mean the output transistors are bad, just that the whole thing doesn't work. Not very technical but it speaks to the customer.

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    Education is what you're left with after you have forgotten what you have learned.

  19. #229
    Bent Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    What do cunnilingus and mob life have in common?

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    "I'm just going to perform a bit more scientific investigation, turn it up to 11 and rip of the knob." überfuzz

    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

    "A pedal, any kind, will not make a Guitar player more dangerous than he already is." J M Fahey

    "If you build it, it will hum..." Justin Thomas

  20. #230
    Lifetime Member Enzo's Avatar
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    Um, I'll try this one...

    They both are an offer you cannot refuse?

    Or...

    The lesser known sailor, Felatio Hornblower?

    Or...

    You want a tongue in cheeks answer?

    Or...

    Either is better than Aer Lingus?

    Or...

    Oh. that's enough...

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    Education is what you're left with after you have forgotten what you have learned.

  21. #231
    Bent Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    You got close with #3

    One slip of the tongue and you're in deep $hit.

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    "I'm just going to perform a bit more scientific investigation, turn it up to 11 and rip of the knob." überfuzz

    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

    "A pedal, any kind, will not make a Guitar player more dangerous than he already is." J M Fahey

    "If you build it, it will hum..." Justin Thomas

  22. #232
    Lifetime Member Enzo's Avatar
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    Taint the first time...

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    Education is what you're left with after you have forgotten what you have learned.

  23. #233
    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    I din't know whether to put it here, or in "Obscure 60's-70's Deep Tracks." Well the song in its original form was perhaps too much of a hit to be obscure, but in this form, well....... maybe not so much. And on a day when chaos seems to be the new normal, we need a reminder that in the long run, things will turn out to be much the same as they ever was. Without any more introductory remarks, here's a performer that needs no further introduction, you know him, you love him, here he is, the mighty Kermit!


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  24. #234
    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    Somehow this news tidbit slipped past the usual cornucopia of crap. Well just because it's a few days past April 1 we're not gonna ignore it:


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  25. #235
    Supporting Member The Dude's Avatar
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    I planted a marshmallow tree years ago. It never did bloom.

    My pizza tree is doing well, though.


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    “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”

  26. #236
    Bent Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    "My teeth feel soft"... "Go away."

    LOL!

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    "I'm just going to perform a bit more scientific investigation, turn it up to 11 and rip of the knob." überfuzz

    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

    "A pedal, any kind, will not make a Guitar player more dangerous than he already is." J M Fahey

    "If you build it, it will hum..." Justin Thomas

  27. #237
    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    Today's big headline from BBC: ABBA back in the recording studio after a 35 year absence!

    Now... I'm sure this is a sort of big "so what" around these parts, but somebody might care. As far as news goes, it's a nice break from all the other daily disasters. What's old is new again, how you say that in Swedish?

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  28. #238
    Bent Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leo_Gnardo View Post
    What's old is new again, how you say that in Swedish?
    Vad är gammal är ny igen.

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    "I'm just going to perform a bit more scientific investigation, turn it up to 11 and rip of the knob." überfuzz

    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

    "A pedal, any kind, will not make a Guitar player more dangerous than he already is." J M Fahey

    "If you build it, it will hum..." Justin Thomas

  29. #239
    Old Timer tedmich's Avatar
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    https://youtu.be/QtE0acRimSw?t=3m10s

    word is Murdoch himself called in to pull the plug on interview.

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  30. #240
    Old Timer tedmich's Avatar
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    German workplace safety PSA

    Unbelievably gory and wacky!


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  31. #241
    Supporting Member eschertron's Avatar
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    I made it to the 5 minute mark... I work with people like Klaus

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    If it still won't get loud enough, it's probably broken. - Steve Conner
    We need more chaos in music, in art... I'm here to make it. - Justin Thomas
    Distortion is a form of signal degradation. It is pretty easy to define what a good "clean" signal is, but trying to achieve just the right kind of "broken" can be pretty maddening. - glebert

  32. #242
    Old Timer tedmich's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by eschertron View Post
    I made it to the 5 minute mark... I work with people like Klaus
    it gets insane after 5min

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  33. #243
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    Mildly amusing:

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    My mind is made up. Don't confuse me with the facts.
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  34. #244
    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    Seeing as it's Sunday morning, in North America anyway, and how most of us are probably skipping out on any church-related activities, here's something that ought to amaze and amuse you. There was a mention in one of our non technical threads a few weeks back about the TV preachers who claim that "God Wants To Make You Rich - But Me First!" Trevor Noah (luv his accent!) brings on a guest to explain further:



    Enjoy! And don't forget, give - - - 'til it hurts!

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  35. #245
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    Given: 20/0

    Gibson Burstbucker Display Case Original Case $9.99 + $10 s/h

    I have saved searches in eBay to notify me when certain items are listed. "Oh, boy! Someone is selling a Burstbucker today for $10!!!" Nope, just the display case... huh?!?

    I have found the Gibson pickup display case lids to be very handy when using a small pry bar on the top of a guitar but I sure as heck am not going to pay $20 for one!



    https://www.ebay.com/itm/132660627200


    Steve A.

    P.S. I guess $20 might be a good investment if you were to sell a counterfeit Burstbucker for, say, $100 but other than that...


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