It would work...Sorta.
One thing is that by using 5k pots you already have the percieved presence setting at about 7 for the "presence" and about 5 for the larger cap. Thats why if you look at the bypassed presence type circuit in the 800's they use a 25k pot. You would be better off with 50k pots for your application. But the controls would have most of their adjustment between about 7 and 10.
Other than that there is the problem of the larger cap swamping the response of the smaller one. In other words, the higher you set the control for the larger cap the less effect you would get from the adjustment for the smaller cap. With the larger caps pot set to 10 adjusting the pot for the smaller cap would do nothing.
You could use an inductor in the circuit for the larger cap so that it only controls the upper mids. Then you could get the same effect you have now by simply putting both controls on the same setting. Or you could bump only the upper mids or only the actual "presence" or any combination. I think that could be a neat circuit.
Not sure what size inductor you would need because I'm formula impaired. But if I figure it out I'll repost.