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Thread: Can You Top This? Hyperbolic Advert (Tongue-in-Cheek)

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    Can You Top This? Hyperbolic Advert (Tongue-in-Cheek)

    From today's Musician's Friend Stupid Deal of the Day:

    The Pigtronix Quantum Time Modulator produces a parallel universe of analog time stretching effects with only three knobs and a single switch. Reflecting the fundamental principals of modern atomic physics in pedal form, the Pigtronix Quantum can be in any number of places at once and will change in response to both input and observation.

    Wow, I gotta get one of those. No, wait- chances are I already have....

    -rb

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    Last edited by rjb; 05-18-2018 at 08:56 PM.
    Obfuscation. Misinformation. Conflation. Diversion. And when all those fail, Silence. - Yldouright's Creed

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    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    You need one in case you want to do a rewrite of an old Joe Jackson hit, "You gotta know what you are, but you can't know where you are. You gotta know where you are but you can't know what you are." I'm kinda uncertain about that though, whaddya think Heisenberg?

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    Tubewreck jmaf's Avatar
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    I just listened to a couple youtube videos of the thing. Apparently its purpose is to make you sound like The Pretenders.

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    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jmaf View Post
    I just listened to a couple youtube videos of the thing. Apparently its purpose is to make you sound like The Pretenders.
    The Pretenders - at what point in their career? BTW one of my fave bands.

    File the following under "obscure late 70's - early 80's studio effects."

    If it's early Pretenders, the first couple albums were swamped with a device called a Publison. It gave a stereo flangey chorusy kind of sound to whatever was sent thru it. Rolling Stones Tattoo You album was also swathed in Publison. The rack mount gadget took up 3 or 4 units height and was packed with densely populated circus boards about 10 layers deep. All the chips on the boards had their ID's scraped off to prevent reverse engineering. At about $10,000 this one trick pony was picked up by a couple of swanky studios, and ya gotta admit, it's a bit of a hitmaker so the investment was worth it. An almost-Publison sound could be had from the rarely seen Roland Dimension D, with the "D" button pressed. I never could much hear any effect from buttons A, B or C. Dim D was a couple hundred bucks. Took up only 2 rack spaces. Even that's too much studio real estate for a one trick pony which explains why they're now rare as rocking horse turds.

    Pigtronix, what's old is new again. "I'll bet the kids never heard THIS!"

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    Bent Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    When I presented at NAMM in 2009 my booth was directly across from Pigtronix. My god what a load of pedals!!! And equally obscure product descriptions. They were remarkably well behaved though. In reality they didn't get much attention in my observation. But then no one did where I was Down on the lower floor with the exposed plumbing and moss and water dripping off of the walls. Anyway...

    I wouldn't dare try to top the obscurity of that sales pitch except to link another semi ridiculous product that was (apparently) profitable enough to make some videos for:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuAaTEn8fcw

    Apparently guitar players like it when you don't tell them anything?

    And Leo,

    The Pretenders are sort of Gods in my mind. The first time I heard the "Pretenders" album was the first time I realized there was more than one aspect to rock music. So pro, so pop, so rock, a little punk, all swagger and still melodic!!! One of the greatest albums in rock history. (<period)

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    Last edited by Chuck H; 05-19-2018 at 06:04 AM.
    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

    "A pedal, any kind, will not make a Guitar player more dangerous than he already is." J M Fahey

    "Now get off my lawn with your silicooties and boom-chucka speakers and computers masquerading as amplifiers" Justin Thomas

    "A shot gun delivers a force that exceeds the operational range of most systems, such as pumpkins." Antigua

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    Tubewreck jmaf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leo_Gnardo View Post
    The Pretenders - at what point in their career? BTW one of my fave bands.
    .......
    a stereo flangey chorusy kind of sound to whatever was sent thru it.
    One of the demos I heard the guy sounded like Brass in Pocket(have the song in my head the past 2 hours lol), then strumming sounds like the intro to Back on the Chain Gang...on many others it sounds like they have this shimmering flangey chorusy thingy in there too. I'd never heard of this effect so that was my first impression. I later found a video with the isolated effect, it's not a straightforward chorus or flanger, it's a weird oscillator that changes pattern with feedback based on what you're playing if I understand correctly. Interesting little box.

    Thanks for the flashback there about Publison, never heard of it before. I looked for Publison on youtube and found this rap "computer" from the 80's, that's not it right?

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    Tubewreck jmaf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chuck H View Post
    Oh that one is better known. I'd seen and heard it before somewhere, unfortunately. It was prominently featured somewhere a few years ago, don't know where, but I'm familiar with that one's torturous sound and looks.

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    Old Timer tedmich's Avatar
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    I don't think it was a disco synth..., its the Infernal Machine (IM90) discussed here:

    https://www.gearslutz.com/board/high...ine-90-a.html?

    supposedly this song shows the subtle use:

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    Old Timer tedmich's Avatar
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    and these compositions some extreme IM90 use:

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    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chuck H View Post
    The Pretenders are sort of Gods in my mind. The first time I heard the "Pretenders" album was the first time I realized there was more than one aspect to rock music. So pro, so pop, so rock, a little punk, all swagger and still melodic!!! One of the greatest albums in rock history. (<period)
    You bet Chuck! The Pretenders had all that and a bag 'o chips. Had the "Merseybeat" thing down too. In my area they popped onto FM playlists about the same time as Dire Straits. Along with a hit parade of terrific UK acts that mostly were on the Stiff label: Nick Lowe, Dave Edmunds, their collaboration as Rockpile, Elvis Costello, Squeeze, Ian Dury & the Blockheads. From this side of the pond, Blondie & Talking Heads. After a couple years of muddled crud and punk, The Pretenders and the rest of these bands brought a much needed breath of fresh air. Some songs I get tired of due to high rotation on radio, but "Brass in Pocket" never loses its luster. "Gotta have some of your attention!" You got it Chrissie, no problem!

    jmaf, interesting comment on the Publison being possibly a time delay modulator where the time constant is derived from the envelope of the signal being processed. A couple years later, Eventide offered an option on their 949 that provided a similar effect, a "randomizer" that was applied in an attempt to help those who set the harmonizer on "micro pitch" to sound more like a real double tracked part rather than a robot-perfect one. I'm sure they included this feature in subsequent products. Of course at first it cost a fortune to have this subtle effect at one's disposal. But that's the pop music game, if you're the first on your block with a new effect on your record, that could bet the "hook" that sells the song, ka-CHING! Also I have a feeling a clever studio engineer could achieve the Publison and Eventide randomizer effects by clever use of the patch bay and maybe a couple of Moog modules.

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    Tubewreck jmaf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tedmich View Post
    I don't think it was a disco synth..., its the Infernal Machine (IM90) discussed here:

    https://www.gearslutz.com/board/high...ine-90-a.html?

    supposedly this song shows the subtle use:
    That's a classic, awesome song.

    Exactly the device I was looking at on YT. Can't make it out on the Siouxsie mix though.

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    Better Tone thru Mathematics bob p's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chuck H View Post
    The Pretenders are sort of Gods in my mind. The first time I heard the "Pretenders" album was the first time I realized there was more than one aspect to rock music. So pro, so pop, so rock, a little punk, all swagger and still melodic!!! One of the greatest albums in rock history. (<period)
    From the album liner on "Pretenders":

    This album has a longer running time than most average LPs therefore to achieve maximum effect
    PLAY THIS ALBUM LOUD.


    It worked.

    ---

    Regarding that odd chorus/ pitch shifting effect, I seem to remember reading an interview with Honeyman-Scott where he said that he got that incredible chorusey tone by running an EH Clone Theory through an Eventide Harmonizer. I hate it when things that sound so good are are out of reach to guys like me.

    Chorus was a big fad back in the day. I remember the entire Some Girls album being chorused/flanged to death.

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    Last edited by bob p; 05-19-2018 at 09:30 PM.
    "Stand back, I'm holding a calculator." - chinrest

    "I happen to have an original 1955 Stratocaster! The neck and body have been replaced with top quality Warmoth parts, I upgraded the hardware and put in custom, hand wound pickups. It's fabulous. There's nothing like that vintage tone or owning an original." - Chuck H

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    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bob p View Post
    From the album liner on "Pretenders":

    This album has a longer running time than most average LPs therefore to achieve maximum effect
    PLAY THIS ALBUM LOUD.


    It worked.

    ---

    Regarding that odd chorus/ pitch shifting effect, I seem to remember reading an interview with Honeyman-Scott where he said that he got that incredible chorusey tone by running an EH Clone Theory through an Eventide Harmonizer. I hate it when things that sound so good are are out of reach to guys like me.

    Chorus was a big fad back in the day. I remember the entire Some Girls album being chorused/flanged to death.
    Practical advice from the singin' Pretenders. If the groove pitch had to be narrowed to accommodate a longer recording, the solution was to reduce the amplitude of the waves being pressed into the vinyl, resulting in lower volume playback. And we've also seen some old rock LP's with PLAY THIS RECORD LOUD somewhere on the cover.

    All that flanging, chorusing, phasing was necessary to emulate the sounds the artistes were experiencing inside their cocaine addled heads. Psychedelic indeed - - - not. Flanging, first couple times around, say in the Byrds' "Born to Follow", OK. After a couple years it was wearing me out. After some long sessions in 1984 with producer Walter Turbitt, I developed a slogan: "When in doubt, flange the hi-hat."

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    Better Tone thru Mathematics bob p's Avatar
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    it's funny -- there are some pretty good records that i just don't like to listen to because they're chorused or flanged to death. Some Girls was one that came to mind as soon as i heard you say, "Tattoo You."

    then there's that Clapton-Dumble-Chorus sound that I just never liked, all from the same era.

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    "Stand back, I'm holding a calculator." - chinrest

    "I happen to have an original 1955 Stratocaster! The neck and body have been replaced with top quality Warmoth parts, I upgraded the hardware and put in custom, hand wound pickups. It's fabulous. There's nothing like that vintage tone or owning an original." - Chuck H

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    Better Tone thru Mathematics bob p's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leo_Gnardo View Post
    "Gotta have some of your attention!" You got it Chrissie, no problem!
    I undestand the sentiment ... but the more I think about it, I think that would probably end up being as much fun as having dinner with Paul McCartney.
    Sometimes the dreaming the dream is better than living it, if you know what I mean.

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    "Stand back, I'm holding a calculator." - chinrest

    "I happen to have an original 1955 Stratocaster! The neck and body have been replaced with top quality Warmoth parts, I upgraded the hardware and put in custom, hand wound pickups. It's fabulous. There's nothing like that vintage tone or owning an original." - Chuck H

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    Bent Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bob p View Post
    I undestand the sentiment ... but the more I think about it, I think that would probably end up being as much fun as having dinner with Paul McCartney.
    Sometimes the dreaming the dream is better than living it, if you know what I mean.
    She'd probably get offended in short order. And then beat you up.

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    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

    "A pedal, any kind, will not make a Guitar player more dangerous than he already is." J M Fahey

    "Now get off my lawn with your silicooties and boom-chucka speakers and computers masquerading as amplifiers" Justin Thomas

    "A shot gun delivers a force that exceeds the operational range of most systems, such as pumpkins." Antigua

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    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bob p View Post
    I undestand the sentiment ... but the more I think about it, I think that would probably end up being as much fun as having dinner with Paul McCartney.
    Sometimes the dreaming the dream is better than living it, if you know what I mean.
    As it happened, one fine 1984 day at Nomis rehearsal studios in London, I was downstairs at the canteen having a mid afternoon cuppa. Sitting at the very next table, also indulging in a cuppa, and deep in conversation with my then-employer, was Chrissie Hynde. Naturally I wasn't getting any attention... but wasn't expecting any either. Still it was a very kool moment. That's my story and I'm gonna stick to it.

    As for "as much fun" well I guess I wouldn't be having a sizzling steak dinner with either Sir Paul or Chrissie, but I'll bet I could choke down a quality vegan / vegetarian repast with either. Pass the tofu gravy, please!

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    Bent Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    Just because it's been a topic now I think it's appropriate to link this *outube clip of the "Pretenders" album. I didn't want to bog loading the thread, so just a link. Essential listening for the serious rocker.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmHUH3I7tOI

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    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

    "A pedal, any kind, will not make a Guitar player more dangerous than he already is." J M Fahey

    "Now get off my lawn with your silicooties and boom-chucka speakers and computers masquerading as amplifiers" Justin Thomas

    "A shot gun delivers a force that exceeds the operational range of most systems, such as pumpkins." Antigua

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    Old Timer J M Fahey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bob p View Post
    Sometimes the dreaming the dream is better than living it, if you know what I mean.
    Story goes that there was this hot Groupie type girl who made a point of sleeping with *every* Rock Star she got near to (we are talking late 60's), so far very common, but her special trick was making a cast of every Starīs d*ck which she then kept in a personal "museum".
    When asked about this or that Star she usually answered "fine ... but heīs not Mick Jagger" .....
    Of course, since she persisted in her hobby, at last one day she actually got to sleep with Mick .....
    Next day her girlfriends asked her : " well ..... how was it? ..... "
    to which she famously answered: " fine ..... but it wasnīt "Mick Jagger" ..... if you know what I mean ......."

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    Juan Manuel Fahey

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    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by J M Fahey View Post
    Story goes that there was this hot Groupie type girl who made a point of sleeping with *every* Rock Star she got near to (we are talking late 60's), so far very common, but her special trick was making a cast of every Starīs d*ck which she then kept in a personal "museum".
    When asked about this or that Star she usually answered "fine ... but heīs not Mick Jagger" .....
    Of course, since she persisted in her hobby, at last one day she actually got to sleep with Mick .....
    Next day her girlfriends asked her : " well ..... how was it? ..... "
    to which she famously answered: " fine ..... but it wasnīt "Mick Jagger" ..... if you know what I mean ......."
    Pamela DesBarres of the "Plaster Casters?" Later a founding member of Zappa produced "The GTO's?" Not the brightest bulb on the tree. A couple of rolled up socks would be "Mick Jagger, if you know what I mean." 'Cause that's what Mick had in his pants. Poor Pam! She should have gone for "Hugie" Lewis, lauded by Little Rock Connie as "the biggest she's ever seen." Said Hugie, "Wha? What did you say? You talkin' to me?" as he poked at his ears.

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