Say man, drawing someone in with what appears as honest interest, only to reveal intent to ridicule strikes me as dark-hearted. Snark is quite poplar with the YT crowd, if that's what you're going for. I'm not proposing scientific theories here – just making some suggestions for cheap easy things to try with my own ideas about why/how. They can be taken with a grain of salt. All that matters is the results.
...I will also be using more slinky Ni/Fe alloy strings for a sweeter/warmer/looser sound. The high end should still be glassy, but sweeter, and the bass warmer with a more relaxed midrange quality. I'll also use an Aluminum shield which softens the upper-mids a tad without reducing the highs...and the pickups are sweeter, more sensitive, and “bigger” sounding than the stock AlNiCo V pickups...
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