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Thread: How about a thread devoted to humor?

  1. #1
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    How about a thread devoted to humor?

    I'll start it off with this one...



    That's from George Takei's Facebook page. Yeah, the guy from Star Trek. BTW I did a site search for threads with "humor" in the title and found exactly 3 of them, all of which were several years old. I can stickify this if there is sufficient demand...

    miley.jpg

    Steve Ahola

  2. #2
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    maybe he needs to do a better job of selling himself by getting footage for youtube and giving it a moniker like "crimeart" or "crimeart/comedy ('crimardy'?)"

  3. #3
    Supporting Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    Ok... I'll play.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails sournote01.jpg   images2.jpg   images5cxlv3a7.jpg   imagesj2gdzyna.jpg  
    J M Fahey and Audiotexan like this.
    "I've heard magic defined as "a technology you don't understand". By that aphorism, the folks in this forum are practicing wizards, able to summon AND control the lightning demon, and make charms to allow others to use the demon in certain ways." R.G.

    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

  4. #4
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    haha

    Like the Batman, lol.

  5. #5
    Old Timer tedmich's Avatar
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    Old Timer tedmich's Avatar
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  7. #7
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chuck H View Post
    Ok... I'll play.
    My eyesight ain't too good in my old age so I thought I better post them full-sized...









    Thanks!

    Steve Ahola

  8. #8
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dai h. View Post
    haha

    Like the Batman, lol.
    Here is a higher resolution copy of that one...



    Steve A.

  9. #9
    Supporting Member TomCarlos's Avatar
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    Sure you can jam with my band... and here is a guitar cord for you. :-)
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails guitar-cable.jpg  

  10. #10
    Old Timer Tom Phillips's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TomCarlos View Post
    Sure you can jam with my band... and here is a guitar cord for you. :-)
    At least that's the safer 3 wire cord version.
    TomCarlos, The Dude and Audiotexan like this.

  11. #11
    Old Timer Tom Phillips's Avatar
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    Subject: IRS AND OLD PEOPLE

    The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office.

    The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

    The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

    I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

    The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead..'

    Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

    The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

    Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

    Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

    Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

    Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

    The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

    'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

    Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

    The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

    But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

    'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

    'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

    Don't Mess with Old People!!!!

  12. #12
    Supporting Member The Dude's Avatar
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    If Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber were drowning in a swimming pool and you could only save one of them,................................................... .................................
    what kind of sandwich would you make?
    “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”

  13. #13
    Supporting Member The Dude's Avatar
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    I give to you this article.

    Drunken trombone-playing clown fires gun from garage, police say | MLive.com

    Sometimes reality is funnier than any joke you could imagine.
    Chuck H and bsco like this.
    “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”

  14. #14
    Supporting Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Dude View Post
    I give to you this article.

    Drunken trombone-playing clown fires gun from garage, police say | MLive.com

    Sometimes reality is funnier than any joke you could imagine.
    Classic "You can't make this "S" up".
    "I've heard magic defined as "a technology you don't understand". By that aphorism, the folks in this forum are practicing wizards, able to summon AND control the lightning demon, and make charms to allow others to use the demon in certain ways." R.G.

    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

  15. #15
    Supporting Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tom Phillips View Post
    At least that's the safer 3 wire cord version.
    That's a mono phone plug! Where's the ground? I'd be very careful using that, myself.
    The Dude likes this.
    "I've heard magic defined as "a technology you don't understand". By that aphorism, the folks in this forum are practicing wizards, able to summon AND control the lightning demon, and make charms to allow others to use the demon in certain ways." R.G.

    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

  16. #16
    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Dude View Post
    If Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber were drowning in a swimming pool and you could only save one of them,................................................... .................................
    what kind of sandwich would you make?
    I'd stay in the kitchen making a Dagwood sandwich and ignore the pool entirely. Where's the grey Poupon?
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails dagwood-sandwich.jpg  

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    My all-time favourite Far Side cartoon. Never fails to make me smile.


  18. #18
    Supporting Member Jazz P Bass's Avatar
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    Anyone seen Edgar?
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails edgar-missing-.jpg  
    Last edited by Jazz P Bass; 01-13-2015 at 11:13 PM.
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  19. #19
    Old Timer tedmich's Avatar
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    here is a photo that shows the bad legs that keep Peyton from another SB ring

    apparently he's getting at least one replaced

  20. #20
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jazz P Bass View Post
    Anyone seen Edgar?

    Attachment 32388
    Which brings to mind an old favorite from Thanksgiving week 2009



    rhymes_with_orange_20091121_large-turducken.gif

    Steve Ahola

  21. #21
    Supporting Member Steve A.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jazz P Bass View Post
    Anyone seen Edgar?

    Attachment 32388
    Which brings to mind an old favorite from Thanksgiving week 2009



    Click image for larger version. 

Name:	Rhymes_with_Orange_20091121_large turducken.gif 
Views:	865 
Size:	49.4 KB 
ID:	32395


    Quote Originally Posted by Mark Hammer View Post
    My all-time favourite Far Side cartoon. Never fails to make me smile.
    I still mourn the passing of The Far Side but Bizarro seems to fill the vacancy fairly well, taking the humor in a slightly different direction...

    Steve Ahola

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    I too lament the disappearance of The FarSide from the landscape.

    These days, I look forward to a strip called Get Fuzzy ( Get Fuzzy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ). Imagine that Garfield was written by a doctoral student in philosophy and linguistics. Takes a bit to get into, but packed with great puns and verbal misunderstandings, in addition to plenty of British and Canadian references. (the human character in the strip appears to be of British heritage and grew up partly in Canada, though he currently resides in Kentucky). The principle character - a Siamese named Bucky Katt - stands in for every stubborn pigheaded ignorant know-it-all you've ever met. He thinks he's brilliant but is usually worng and just doesn't quite get it. There is a little bit of Stephen Colbert in him, too. His flat-mate, Satchel the dog, is maybe not every dog but a rather large swathe of them. He is ever-hopeful, always feeling a little guilty about something (which he has probably forgotten but retains the guilt...just in case) and smart, of a sort, but easily duped. He is also a slave to his uncontrollable habits, including eating the inedible, and being a gullible and willing volunteer for almost all of Bucky's schemes. The human, Rob, is a bit of a ne'er-do-well bachelor, who is perpetually abused by Bucky.

    Recommended, although as a running daily series, each day's segment does not necessarily stand on its own.



  23. #23
    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    A Far Side to make our Texan friends proud. Somebody please show me how to put it up Texas size, how ya do that?

    Somebody must have the Far Side that has the sound technician at his console with the band on stage, he's about to push the "suck" knob. That one's become an industry standard.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails heart-texas.jpg  
    Last edited by Leo_Gnardo; 01-14-2015 at 02:19 AM.
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  24. #24
    Supporting Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    In keeping with the Larson theme I scanned a page from a book I use to read to my daughter that's written by him called There's A Hair In My Dirt.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails himdbang-001.jpg  
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    "I've heard magic defined as "a technology you don't understand". By that aphorism, the folks in this forum are practicing wizards, able to summon AND control the lightning demon, and make charms to allow others to use the demon in certain ways." R.G.

    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chuck H View Post
    That's a mono phone plug! Where's the ground? I'd be very careful using that, myself.
    Look closer... it's proper!
    (it's actually a TRS with white spacers)
    Start simple...then go deep!

    "EL84's are the bitches of guitar amp design." Chuck H

    "How could they know back in 1980-whatever that there'd come a time when it was easier to find the wreck of the Titanic than find another SAD1024?" -Mark Hammer

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    It's an oldie... but it still cracks me up!



    A Boy and his train!


    A few days after Christmas, a mother working in her kitchen was listening to her small son playing with his new electric train in the adjoining room.
    She heard the train stop and the son said "All you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off right now, 'cause this is the last stop ... and all you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the goddamn train 'cause we're leaving."

    The mother went in and told her son "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your bedroom for two hours and think about what you said and when you come out, you may play with your train again, but I want you to use much nicer language."

    Two hours later the son came out of his bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking, please remember to take all your belongings with you. Thank you for travelling with us today and we hope you will travel with us again soon. For those of you just boarding, we ask you to place all of your hand luggage under the seat. Remember please that there is no smoking except in the Club Car. We hope that you will have a pleasant
    and relaxing journey with us today. For those of you who are pissed off because of the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen!"
    Chuck H and The Dude like this.
    Start simple...then go deep!

    "EL84's are the bitches of guitar amp design." Chuck H

    "How could they know back in 1980-whatever that there'd come a time when it was easier to find the wreck of the Titanic than find another SAD1024?" -Mark Hammer

  27. #27
    Supporting Member Jazz P Bass's Avatar
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    I have this taped to the front of my bass amp.

    little-black-dots.jpg
    Justin Thomas likes this.

  28. #28
    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jazz P Bass View Post
    I have this taped to the front of my bass amp.
    Ah, the bass...

    Foreign hunters on safari, day after day they hear jungle drums, the sound never stops. Big hunter asks his guide "Drums driving me crazy, all day and night, do they ever stop?" Guide answers "Better hope drums never stop, bwana. If drums stop then comes bass solo."
    Last edited by Leo_Gnardo; 01-14-2015 at 02:50 PM.

  29. #29
    Supporting Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    Ok... How about a "drummer joke"? You know, like "What do you call a guy that hangs out with musicians?" Yuk, Yuk.

    What's the difference between a drummer and a monkey?

    One lives in the jungle banging on rocks with sticks and the other is a f@#king moron.
    Last edited by Chuck H; 01-14-2015 at 03:11 PM.
    Jazz P Bass and The Dude like this.
    "I've heard magic defined as "a technology you don't understand". By that aphorism, the folks in this forum are practicing wizards, able to summon AND control the lightning demon, and make charms to allow others to use the demon in certain ways." R.G.

    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

  30. #30
    Old Timer tedmich's Avatar
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    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails present-u00252barms.jpg  

  31. #31
    Supporting Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    In case y'all can't read that bumper sticker:
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails bsticker.png  
    "I've heard magic defined as "a technology you don't understand". By that aphorism, the folks in this forum are practicing wizards, able to summon AND control the lightning demon, and make charms to allow others to use the demon in certain ways." R.G.

    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

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    The old blind cowboy came into town, and stopped at the waterings hole. Unknown to him, it was now a female biker bar. He tells the bartender to get him a drink, and then says."did you hear about the blonde who", and was interupted by a woman at the bar. "I can see you're blind, but I'm blonde, and am an ex Marine, the bartender is blonde, and is a body builder, and the blonde girl at the pool table is a Karate instructor, are you sure you want to tell that joke?" "Well I recon not, not if I'm gonna have to explain it and all!"
    Chuck H, The Dude and Audiotexan like this.

  33. #33
    Old Timer Leo_Gnardo's Avatar
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    What's perfect pitch? When you heave an accordion into a dumpster and it lands square on a banjo.

    Little Jimmy: "I wanna be a drummer when I grow up!"
    Little Jimmy's mom: "Pick one or the other, you can't do both."

    Next, photos from an actual local Craigslist ad, don't look if you're drinking anything, it may come out your nose.
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails fbassman_leopard_red.jpg  

  34. #34
    Supporting Member Chuck H's Avatar
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    You can always gauge a drummers experience level by how fast he drinks his lunch.
    The Dude likes this.
    "I've heard magic defined as "a technology you don't understand". By that aphorism, the folks in this forum are practicing wizards, able to summon AND control the lightning demon, and make charms to allow others to use the demon in certain ways." R.G.

    "...less ear-friendly but handy for jazz." Leo_Gnardo

  35. #35
    Supporting Member The Dude's Avatar
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    drunk.jpg
    “Yeah, well, you know, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.”

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